And now, by way of contrast, we turn to Civil War: Front Line #10.  This is the issue where Marvel unveil Penance - their repackaged version of Speedball.

The Speedball fans are, as a whole, up in arms about this one.  Personally, I've never especially cared one way or the other about the character, although I can see there's a niche for him as a rare happy-go-lucky hero in the Marvel Universe.  Admittedly, it's never led him to any particular success, but at least it was something to mark him out.

Marvel, however, see it another way.  They want to spark interest in the character by making him into a dark, angst-ridden hero on loan from the mid-nineties.  The concept, believe it or not, is that after the Stamford disaster in Civil War #1, Speedball is now overcome with angst and remorse about all those dead people.  He also finds that his powers are now driven by pain.  So he has a special suit made for him with lots of spikes on the inside, digging into his body in order to provide him with a permanent source of pain. And just in case anyone hadn't got the point yet, he renames himself Penance.

Where do I start?  I'm certainly not outraged by the story in the way that some of Speedball's hardcore fans are.  I just think it's the stupidest thing I've read in ages.  I was in fits of laughter reading this thing.  It's terrible.

Let's spell out the ways in which this really doesn't work.

One: it doesn't make sense in the context of the story.  Speedball has spent the last nine issues sulking, protesting his innocence, and showing no obvious signs of wanting to flagellate himself.  Suddenly, and completely out of nowhere, he's become a masochist driven by overwhelming guilt.  It's not set up properly by the preceding issues.

Two: it's an inherently stupid idea.  Of course, the idea of physical pain as a metaphor for emotional pain has been around for centuries, and in itself, it's unobjectionable.  But here, they're spelling it out for the slow members of the class in such a way as to strip it of any vestige of subtlety or intelligence.  This is a concept that would embarrass a fourteen-year-old poet. 

A character like this might work in a few contexts.  I can see it working in X-Statix, for example, because Peter Milligan would do it with a nod and a wink, and say "Yes, I know it's ridiculous, but run with me because it's a metaphor."  Crucially, though, the character would end up being played for laughs and acknowledged as inherently ridiculous.  Warren Ellis might, conceivably, make him work in Thunderbolts if he takes the same approach - laugh at him.  But I can't begin to imagine a story in which a character so absurd could successfully be played straight.  It certainly isn't this story, which seems be utterly oblivious to the silliness of the whole thing, and plays it in a terribly sincere, heartfelt fashion.

Three: even if it was a good idea, it would be a bad idea for Speedball.  Far from being a logical outgrowth of the character, this is an outright negation of everything that people ever liked about him.  It's virtually guaranteed to alienate his existing fans, and if you're not going to attract them, what's the point of doing the story with Speedball?  Just create a new character.

Marvel produce a fair number of bad or shoddy comics, but it's been a while since we've had something quite so jawdroppingly stupid.  This is a concept that goes straight into that elite category where it's hard to imagine what possessed somebody to commission it in the first place.  Aside from a demented belief in the importance of being different for its own sake, what could possibly make somebody think this was a good idea?

I'm clearly meant to find Penance a tragic and compelling superhero drama.  The reality is that I haven't laughed so much in months.  It's Dark Speedball, for crying out loud.  It's the sort of thing people would suggest as a joke if they were asked to parody the worst of the mid-nineties. 

This is the most misguided thing I've read since Chuck Austen was booted out of the industry.  They've turned Speedball into Emo Boy.  How divorced from reality do you have to be, before that starts to sound like a remotely good idea?

(There's a lead story in this issue as well, but it's just a delayed build-up to the finale because they're killing time as a result of the delays to the main Civil War series.  Suffice to say it's not good enough to counteract the silliness that follows.)

Rating: D

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